Over the past several years I have made a hobby out of observing, chronicling, and mocking random over the top foodstuffs that I have encountered in my various travels..and by travels I mean trips around town, to fast food places, and from my bed to the couch to watch TV. I even went so far as to take a stab at creating some of my own in a previous post found here http://www.bitterbeardface.com/2014/04/07/ill-take-fries-with-my-heart-attack/ . Recent events have led me to realize that what I have been doing simply is not enough. That is why I have founded the Bureau for the Analysis of Ridiculous Foodstuffs, or BARF. At BARF we will be forever vigilant in our search for over the top food items and bring the information to you, so we can educate/entice/mortify the general public when these new and exciting items become available. So lets get started. KFC in South Korea has recently unleashed a crazy-awesome foodstuff on an unsuspecting public. Words don’t do it justice so just check out the picture.
First off, this is not a joke, it is an actual sandwich, with one of the best slogans ever “No Bun, All Meat”. A solid slogan for a sandwich but also very fitting for a male porn-star, and based on the bottom layer of sauce, maybe they were thinking that as well when they came up with it. The Zinger Double Down King is the unholy union of beef, chicken, and pork, all fried, and served up with whatever side dish you would dare eat with it. For a wine pairing I recommend the 82 Ripple Blanc or any bottle of Thunderbird you can wrestle away from a homeless guy. This allegedly 750 calorie item has been taking South Korea by storm and it probably won’t be long before it shows up over here in America. Just looking at that picture really made me want to try one. How could it be bad? I love fried chicken, I love bacon, I love burgers. Seems only logical to combine them into some kind of juiced up “Barry Bonds of the fast food sandwich” menu item. That is until I saw the tweet below of what the Double Down King actually looks like in real life.
I don’t really have words for that except it is probably what you would see if you went down on Lindsay Lohan. That flabby, limp pink peaking out, some kind of odd colored disc, a couple of unsettling drips of mystery white stuff. It definitely does not look the like the picture, but on a high note, the chicken looks tastey. Now this is only one picture, and we have better beef here than they do in South Korea since they mainly get what falls through the grates at our slaughter houses, so I would assume here it would look better. Even with the sketch picture, I would think it is worth a try at least. As of the time of this publication, we here at BARF recommend splitting it with someone to decrease the chance of complications and hopefully you can force the other person to eat that raw bacon. I must also add that there is absolutely no way this sandwich is 750 calories. The chicken alone is probably close to 600 by itself. Add in the bacon, a burger patty, and “special sauce” and this puppy has to be close to 1000 if not more. I know what some of you are thinking, “didn’t we already have something like this in America?” Well the answer to that is yes and no. We had the Zinger Double Down pictured below, which is two pieces of fried chicken caressing a layer of cheese, bacon, and again some kind of odd orange sauce. What is the deal with KFC and the random sauces?
Childs play compared to the Korean version. The Double Down King laughs at the puny imitation. Are we going to take this kind of taunting, America? From a sandwich? I sure hope not. We here at the Bureau feel we, as a country, need to take it up a notch,and there is no better way then creating a breakfast version of the Double Down Kind or adding another dead creature creating the unheard of and possibly fatal Triple Down Zinger. So I propose 2 options. We create a breakfast model with some eggs and other crap in between those chickens or stay on the lunch tip and throw in two types of cheese and fried fish patty, completing the trifecta and giving birth to the Triple Down. I know, sounds like a gross mix but there is one thing that can fix anything involving fish…tartar sauce. Its pickley, horse-radishy goodness can stifle the taste of any food it comes into contact with, leaving you with a mouth full of creamy, cheesey, seasoned goodness. It’s either that or we come up with something on our own because I am getting really tired of Carl’s Jr. taking random deli sandwiches and throwing them on top of cheese burgers or Arby’s pretending that their food is actually edible. So there is your challenge America, and remember, no matter what direction we go, sleep well knowing that BARF will be here, ever vigilant in its quest to bring you the scoop on over the top foodstuffs!
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