Things have been quiet around the B.A.R.F offices as we have been patiently awaiting some big 2016 news from the world of food. There have been a couple small blips like baking Kit Kats, but honestly, Kit Kats blow so I really didn’t care to much about it. I mean, who goes to the store with the intention of buying Kit Kats?
The other item was a bit more interesting, as Jack in the Box brought us the Buttery Jack. This is a large Jack in the Box burger with melted butter poured over the top. Nothing overly special but it does weigh in with a massive 60g of fat per burger, so if you like man boobs and intense stomach pain, you are pretty much set. Honestly, I don’t see how melted butter can make anything bad so I am betting this one tastes pretty damn good. It also comes in two flavors, each of which has about 900 calories, so I would skip breakfast if you are planning on scarfing one of these down.
Normally by now, Pizza Hut would have unleashed some kind of disgusting Pizza Monster on the world, but things have been quiet over there for a while after that hot dog crust fiasco. Of course that could mean we are in for something spectacular on the horizon so I will remain diligent and update anything new I find coming down the pipe from our friends at The Hut.
Luckily, just when things looked there most grim, one of my favorite fast food joints stepped in to fill the void and bring us some new menu items. Ignoring all the new “healthy” and “choice” related moves by their main rival McDonald’s, Burger King is now unleashing 3 new glorious items that should have people zipping over to the drive through after a night of heavy drinking.
Elegant and straight forward, the Whopper dog is a flame grilled 1/4 pound hot dog with all the same toppings as the Whopper. I think this is a brilliant idea. Can you honestly remember a time when someone asked you if you wanted a hot dog and you said No? I sure can’t, but if you have, do us all a favor and go back to Russia and take all that bullshit kale with you. I also like the lettuce, tomato, pickle combo that kind of brings it into the whole Chicago Hot Dog realm. At only 300 calories and 24g of fat, you can easily scarf down 2 of these and consume less fat and calories than most single sandwiches on their menu. A solid item that should definitely be in every hangover recovery toolbox.
I am not sure if this one is new or not but it deserves some attention. I give you the Egg-Normous Burrito
The ingredients are listed in the graphic but the word “generous” in the serving size doesn’t quite do this sucker justice. You are looking at a 900 calorie, 52g of fat breakfast you can hold in one hand. It is also lightly seasoned with 21110mg of sodium, which is just under a lethal dose and probably illegal in most countries. This might seem like a joke but the upper safe limit for daily sodium intake is around 2300mg. Basically, this is like eating a full English breakfast with a side of breakfast. It’s pretty epic but its not the star of our show, which is listed below.
Yeah, you are reading that right. That is the Whopperrito. Its a whopper/burrito mashup that has this guy pretty excited. From all accounts I have gathered, it is pretty straight forward. It is a full size whopper meat patty, all the veggies, and a spicy cheese sauce on the same tortilla they use for the Egg-Normous. This lovely slice of heaven checks in at over 900 calories, 59g of fat, and around 1500mg of sodium (nutrition is estimate based on the tortilla instead of a bun). I haven’t found any taste reviews yet but it is currently being tested in several markets. With the high level of fat and sodium, I figure my new favorite way to commit suicide will be to eat the Egg-Normous at 11am and then quickly run it back with a Whopperrito, simultaneously causing my heart and colon to explode.
So there you have it, 3 new items to whet your appetite for meat, cheese, bread, and searing gas pain. If anyone tries one of these, let me know in the comments, I would love to find out how you felt after finishing them.
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